Vision for Love
The month of February is often viewed through rose colored glasses, full of the hope of love. Through genuine feelings and the hope of feelings of appreciation and being.
It is observed that on this day of February, men walking out of the market, flowers and card in hand, smiling with accomplishment. I have observed both men and women, making careful selections of food to make, or making reservations, in the name of love. In the case that this is you, I also want us to think about this a little deeper. Your vision for love as it is, and what hindsight has taught you.
We learn by observing our significant other, our spouse, child, parent or friend. We watch and know the signs of a warm smile, or the quirks that we know happiness, or frustration. We have learned to be aware of each other’s moods, and oftentimes we avoid the negative feelings and cozy up to the positive ones. But, what if we embraced them all, and truly learned more of the differences in our relationships, and why they are there, then we would have the knowledge and understanding of why we are both here on this journey, and the same path of life.
Conversation with understanding is probably the most important elements of good relationship. There are relationships that are like surfing; you know, the ones we only talk about the things on the surface. The weather, work, family, and then there is not much else to discuss. Having conversations about how we visualize our lives to be, how we want our sex life, how we share responsibilities, or manage finances, is the key to growing closer and, is really cultivating a beautiful garden before there are any weeds at all.
The language that we use in our heads and with each other is what we become. If you tell yourself we are fighters — you will fight. We live what we believe. Be certain that when you say “I AM_________” you will be exactly that. I AM (a
procrastinator), then you have already told yourself and anyone else exactly who you are and why there is an excuse for that. Yet, as we change the language of what we tell ourselves, and then to others, we change the outcome. Telling oneself, “I AM an hustler” our mindset changes, and the attitude is felt and heard in a totally opposite manner. We can say, “ we have to raise these kids together, or “We get to raise these kids together” will allow for totally different outcomes.
We put mature conversation in context for all relationships, parent/child, sibling relationships, friends, or our significant other. When we can look back and recognize our “aha moments” and clarify the story that we tell ourselves in our own head, then we can sort through the good and the bad.
This Valentines weekend is possibly a good time to start conversation. Set time for conversation about. “what we are doing really well”, “what the other is doing really well” and “what I would like to have more of”. If we have these conversations once a quarter, we allow for growth and understanding from where each of us is coming from and where we can get better. If we keep this sort of conversation in our relationship, it would seem we wouldn’t get so far off track, as we sometimes do.
I heard recently that “time management is not attention management”. Think about that for a moment. A family can ride in a car for ten hours on a trip and not share attention. The kids are all on their screens, earbuds in, not seeing the world pass by them. The driver is listening to something else on the radio and passenger is reading a book. Ten hours in the vehicle, and no attention shared.
What is your vision for the love of your relationships? Your vision needs attention, not just time. How much energy are we putting into the relationships that mean the most? When our Vision is clear, when we get to look back in hindsight that will be crystal clear, and we will be content, knowing we received exactly what we created our lives to be.
Enjoy the journey